yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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