How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
