Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
