alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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