You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
