I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
