Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
