i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
