so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Soap is not a condiment
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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