Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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