Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize