Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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