Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
