Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
