The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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