I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize