I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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