i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
