If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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