You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
