Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize
