my mouth tastes like poor choices
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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