I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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