He is an equal opportunity slut.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
