member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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