We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
