you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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