Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
