Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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