I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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