Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
