my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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