Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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