I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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