Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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