Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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