I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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