She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
