i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
