Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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