First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
