Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
