One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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