so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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