if you like me you must not know who I am
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
