There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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