Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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