I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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