It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
