You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
