my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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