i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sorry about my life...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
