hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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