i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
