peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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