the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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