I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i came on her dog
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
