I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
