obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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