my mouth tastes like poor choices
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
