why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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