I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
