I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
