We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize