come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
