i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
