i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
