dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
