wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
