Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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