Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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