note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Four minutes until I can fart!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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