Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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