Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
