Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
