I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
