I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
