I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
