Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just had sex on a roof
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
