That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
