Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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