At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
