Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
