but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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