u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
