the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
