Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
