wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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